uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

8 Nov

Stuff that I am grateful for after having spilled scalding hot soup on my crotch:

I didn’t spill soup on my laptop

I was alone (and not in a crowded restaurant) so it wasn’t totally humiliating when I ripped my pants off

I know how I’ll react in times of crisis- cool as a cucumber

I am staying with a friend with an aloe vera plant right beside where I was sitting after I spilled soup on my crotch

My reproductive organs are sensibly tucked away and mainly internal

And that’s about it. Me and my crotch are just going to writhe the rest of this day away. Cheers!!

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

8 Nov

I just spilled scalding hot soup on my crotch.

Ugh, Post Gold Doldrums

25 Oct

So after winning a gold medal or two, life is fabulous for five minutes of life-time. Then, suddenly, reality floats to the surface and you remember debt and feeding yourself and the serious unlikelyhood of funding your fighting career in the future and all of that stuff. Now, because you just won two gold medals and had so many people patting your back and telling you you’re awesome, your most recent recollection of life was of absolute reassurance you are the best. Contrast that with your average life- the every day suck, plus the suck that happens because you have pretty much sacrificed every other goal (career, family, nice things, etc.) for the sake of being the chick at the top of the podium. These are the post gold doldrums. I’m looking to my next fix, like any good addict (tournament on the 25 of November, please please let there be purple belts), but this week is going to mostly be about me dragging ass because I have to deal with being little old me again. The only thing that takes the edge off is training, and even that is a bit frustrating because nothing feels perfect quite yet. Ah well- good to have perspective. At least there is a goal in sight, ya know? Except our sport lost the most naturally gifted woman we could expect because she recognized there was no future for women here- if she felt that way, then I am effed. Ugh, post gold doldrums. Better take a vitamin D after reading this. It will all be better in the morning.

Aside

I won!!! Oh, I had a competition yesterday

21 Oct

Big reveal- had a competition yesterday. I was preparing for it all along! Ahaha, I am the queen of secrets. Yes, all these long days that I have been posting I was also preparing for a bjj tournament and I. Totally. Won. Kinda killed it actually. Old school- take down to side control to arm bar for the first two. The third competitor was on to my little game and pulled guard. Totes passed it, then she turtled, and I was like, “thanks for your back” and I was all hooks in and then to clock choke and she defends so I am like “armbar city” but she’s all no thank you and reguards so I pass her guard and take her back again but cannot hit that choke and time is called and I win on points. First time I won on points in quite a while- I’ve had a great run of sub wind. So, yeah, gold. And then I won gold no-gi- all the upper level belts dropped out of the race so I had one white belt to fight. It was a bit of a shit show but my coach brought up an awesome point once- no one comes to see women being nice and polite to each other, they come to see a fight. So it was snap down to front head lock which is not my favorite take down, but I’m not about to give up the front head lock so I take an osoto gari with a front head lock in at the same time. I thought about a Peruvian, but that’s a bit like work, so I just circle to the back and take a straight rear naked choke. And now my tournament fee is payed for!! Yay!! She was gutsy coming in, and now she’s going to trained by a black belt in our area- good for her. So my weekend rocked. How was yours? Kay, love you, nite.

So little strong dude is secretly awesome

19 Oct

Yeah, turns out little strong dude was actually a purple belt all along! Ha, go figure. Yes, his belt was purple, so I might have ascertained that all by myself, but it was more of an off-purple in color. A mauve, maybe, leaning towards sky blue? Yeah, ok, so not only is he a purple belt, but dude is now teaching our advanced classes. Glad I got my licks in while he was still being kind. And what an advanced class it was! Knee bar from open guard, knee bar from de la riva, rolling (yes, rolling) toe hold! There isn’t a submission that can’t be improved by doing it while hurtling yourself through the air. Hey, remember yesterday when I totally got a circle choke from standing, swept an upper level blue belt (ftw) and got an ankle lock on a purple belt? Yay me!! Today, I stayed alive. Yay again!!

Wow, this is edible? No one is more shocked than myself.

18 Oct

Alright, here it is:

1 third of a sweet potatoe

2 small beets plus, like, five large leaves or so

one egg

Rooster hot sauce

Grate the beets and the sweet potato. Put them in a frying pan and stir fry them till they’re, like, medium soft (don’t bother looking it up, medium soft isn’t a real thing, but I think we both know what I’m trying to say here). Put in the egg raw. Beat it if you like- who knows, you might have time to kill and not a damn thing else to do with your day. Me, I just crack that puppy on top and go with it. Stir fry. Wait ’till you think egg is cooked or whenever, I’m not your boss. Put it on a plate. Oh crap, I forgot to tell you to slice up the beat greens- do that now, and quickly, you don’t want your mush to get cold. Put an unreasonable amount of Rooster hot sauce on the mush. Stir the sauce around so that, on average you have an equivalent ratio comparing one section of your mush to another, but not so evenly you eliminate the possibility of spicey flavour pockers. Stir in the sliced greens. Eat. Thank me. You’re welcome.

Mother of God…

18 Oct

Holy hot pants Christ, I shit you not, this is a thing that exists in this universe and I know about it:

Fighter girls is now working on a new sponsorship program that will be paying you girls to train and fight! This program is in the making so get your resumes ready!

To be clear:

paying … girls to train and fight!

And let’s really drive this home:

Fighter girls …  paying you.. to … fight!…!

And that’s how I got out of bed this morning.

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